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Trust Your Judgment

Trust Your Own Judgment: Make Your Own Decisions. Stop relying on others’ opinions and lead your life with conviction.

Successful women often display a behavior that stands out as unconventional.

You can negotiate contracts, lead teams, hit revenue targets, keep three tiny humans (or one needy dog) alive… and then suddenly you’re like:

“Should I take this new role?”
“Do you think he’s the one?”
“Is this email too direct?”
“Which backsplash says ‘icon’ and not ‘I panicked at Home Depot’?”

And then because you’re smart, you ask smart people. A mentor. A friend. Your sister. Your group chat. That one coworker who always has a take. Your mom (dangerous). Your partner (also risky). And now you’ve got 11 opinions, 9 contradictions, and precisely zero clarity.

Here’s the key point: Constantly asking for opinions doesn’t mean you’re considerate or thorough. It means you’re replacing your own judgment with that of others.

This isn’t a call to reject all input. It’s about breaking the habit of seeking permission and taking ownership of your decisions.

Let’s rebuild your self-trust strategically, quickly, and with the kind of confidence that makes people stop offering unsolicited commentary. To achieve this, it is helpful to understand why even the most successful women still second-guess themselves.

Why Successful Women Still Second-Guess Themselves

Feeling perplexed about these behaviors is a normal human experience, rooted in understandable factors.

The double bind: be warm and be competent (and never be too much of either)

Women leaders are often expected to be both “likable” and “tough,” “warm” and “strong,” “confident,” but “not intimidating.” It’s a classic leadership catch‑22: the traits that earn respect can also trigger backlash. (Harvard Business Review)

When the social penalty for being wrong feels high, it is logical for your brain to seek more confirmation before making a decision.

Underconfidence isn’t a personality flaw; it’s a pattern of behavior.

Research and management literature have repeatedly highlighted that women’s underconfidence can reduce aspirations and hinder advancement, even when performance is strong. (ScienceDirect)

Translation: you’re not “bad at trusting yourself.” You’ve been trained to treat certainty like a risk.

Impostor feelings: when evidence of success still doesn’t stick

Impostor syndrome (also known as the impostor phenomenon) is prevalent among high achievers. A systematic review published in the Journal of General Internal Medicine found a large body of peer-reviewed research (60+ studies) and noted a growing scholarly attention in recent years. (Springer)

And here’s the kicker: impostor feelings don’t respond well to more credentials. They react to building trust in your own pattern recognition and decision-making process.

The High Price of Outsourcing Your Decisions

Asking for input can be wise. Asking for opinions like it’s a personality trait? That has costs.

1) Crowdsourcing creates choice overload (aka “I can’t decide because I have 17 tabs open”)

Choice overload is real… but it’s also nuanced. Meta-analytic research has found that the average effect of “too many options” can be close to zero, but with essential moderators like task difficulty, complexity, uncertainty, and your goal (e.g., minimizing effort vs. maximizing “perfect”). (JSTOR)

When you ask too many people, you’re not just collecting opinions, you’re increasing:

complexity (“Now I have to consider her perspective too”)
uncertainty (“Wait… am I missing something?”)
difficulty (“How do I reconcile these totally different takes?”)

So, your brain does what it always does under overload: it freezes.

2) Reassurance seeking feels helpful… until it isn’t

There’s a reason asking “Are you sure?” gives you a tiny dopamine kiss.

But research on reassurance seeking (especially in anxiety and OCD contexts) describes it as something that can maintain anxiety by reinforcing the idea that you can’t tolerate uncertainty without external confirmation. (ScienceDirect)

You don’t need a diagnosis for this dynamic to show up in everyday life. If you’ve ever:

asked for an opinion,
felt better for five minutes
Then needed to ask someone else
… you’ve met the reassurance loop.

3) Too many opinions dilute your authority (including your authority with yourself)

Every time you “hand off” a decision, you quietly teach your brain:

“Other people know better than I do.”

That’s not humility. That’s erosion.

Self-Trust vs. Stubbornness: The Difference That Matters

Let’s clarify this: Trusting your judgment does not mean ignoring information.

It means you change the question from:

“What do you think I should do?” (permission-seeking)

to:

“What data or perspective am I missing?” (information-seeking)

Ask for data, not permission.

The research on advice-taking is fascinating: people often discount advice (underweight it) depending on their confidence and the extent to which they trust the source. (Frontiers)
And in some situations, especially when faced with complex tasks, people may even overweigh advice. (Harvard Business School)

Meaning: advice doesn’t automatically make decisions better—the quality and fit of the advice matter.

So we’re not banning input. We’re curating it.

When you should ask for expert input

Self-trust is not the same as DIY-ing everything, as if you’re auditioning for “Survivor: Taxes Edition.”

Ask for expertise when the stakes are high and the domain is specialized:

legal decisions
medical decisions
financial/tax planning
safety issues
complex HR or compliance situations

That’s not self-doubt. That’s leadership.

How to Trust Your Own Judgment: A 5-Step Decision System for Successful Women

You don’t need more “confidence.” You need a repeatable process that creates confidence as a side effect.

Step 1: Name the decision (and set a deadline)

Ambiguity is a self-trust assassin.

Write this down:

The decision: ____________________
By when: ____________________
Why now: ____________________

If you don’t set a deadline, you’re basically telling your brain, “We can panic indefinitely.” And it will.

Step 2: Choose 3–5 decision criteria (your personal rubric)

Successful women love a framework. This is your moment.

Pick criteria like:

alignment with my values
impact on my future options
time/energy cost
financial upside/downside
joy (yes, it counts)
stress level
growth potential

Now here’s the power move: rank your criteria.
Because if everything matters equally, nothing matters at all.

Step 3: Build a “Personal Board of Directors” (small, elite, aligned)

Not everyone gets a vote. Some people barely get a comment card.

Use this 3-filter test before you ask anyone anything:

Relevant expertise: Have they done the thing (or guided others through it)?
Aligned incentives: Do they genuinely want what’s best for you… Or what’s comfortable for them?
Life-fit: Do they live in a way you respect (in the area you’re asking about)?

If they don’t pass at least two filters, politely… don’t.

Aim for 1–3 people, max. Not 14. This is a board meeting, not a town hall.

Step 4: Decide, then commit (no re-litigation)

Set a rule: Once you decide, you stop re-asking the question.

If you need language for your own brain:

“I’m not re-opening this unless new information appears.”
“I already decided. Anxiety doesn’t get a veto.”
“We are not crowdsourcing my life today.”

Commitment is where self-trust is built. Not in the analysis. In the ownership.

Step 5: Do a post-decision debrief (so you learn faster)

This is the secret weapon that high performers often overlook.

After 2–6 weeks, ask:

What went well?
What was harder than expected?
What did I handle better than I thought I could?
What would I do differently next time?
What did this teach me about my judgment?

This turns every decision into training data for your future self.

Following this approach, self-trust is no longer optional; it becomes the natural result of consistent choices.

Build Decision-Making Confidence (Without Needing a Pep Talk)

Confidence isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you stack.

Collect “confidence receipts.”

Your brain has a negativity bias. It will remember the one awkward comment you made in 2017 and forget the 400 things you’ve done right since Tuesday.

Create a note called Receipts and add:

wins you dismissed
hard things you survived
compliments you wanted to deflect
moments you made the call, and it worked

This is not ego. This is evidence.

Practice low-stakes decisions like a pro.

If big decisions make you spiral, train on small ones.

For one week:

decide what to order without polling the table
Buy the dress without sending six mirror selfies
Pick the restaurant without “I’m fine with anything.”
Stop editing the email 12 times

You’re teaching your nervous system: I can choose and survive.

Use intuition the smart way (especially in your zone of expertise)

Intuition isn’t magic. It’s pattern recognition, sometimes excellent, sometimes messy.

A classic synthesis by Kahneman and Klein argues that truly skilled intuition depends on:

how predictable the environment is, and
whether you’ve had real opportunities to learn its patterns.

So yes, trust your gut more when:

You’re operating in a domain you’ve mastered.
You’ve gotten feedback over time.
patterns repeat (people, negotiations, leadership dynamics)

And slow down when:

It’s a brand-new domain.
The environment is chaotic/unpredictable.
Your “gut” is actually fear in a cute outfit.

Key takeaway: True self-trust means using your judgment, knowing when intuition is reliable, and when you need data or expertise instead. Learn your own patterns, then act accordingly.

Boundary Scripts: How to Stop Inviting Everyone Into Your Life Choices

If you want to stop asking for opinions, you’ll need language that doesn’t feel like you’re declaring war.

Here are some scripts with just enough sass to keep it honest.

When someone offers unsolicited advice

“I appreciate it. I’ve got a plan, and I’m going with it.”
“Thanks—if I need input, I’ll ask. Right now I’m deciding.”
“Noted. I’m not workshopping this, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

When you catch yourself about to ask, “What do you think I should do?”

Swap it for one of these:

“Can you help me think through pros/cons?”
“What risks am I not seeing?”
“If you were in my shoes, what questions would you ask yourself?”
“I’m leaning X—can you sanity-check my blind spots?”

Notice: you’re still getting perspective, but you’re staying in the driver’s seat.

When you want support, not solutions

This one changes everything:

“I’m not looking for advice—just encouragement.”
“Can you hype me up for 30 seconds?”
“I need emotional support, not a strategy session.”

Say it. Let people love you the way you actually need.

The 7-Day Self-Trust Reset (Tiny Actions, Massive Payoff)

If you’re looking for a simple challenge, here it is.

Day 1: Make one decision without texting anyone

Pick something small. Commit. Move on.

Day 2: Write your top 5 decision values

Examples include freedom, impact, peace, wealth, creativity, family, health, and legacy.

Day 3: Choose your “Board of Directors” (1–3 people)

And mute the group chat for decisions that aren’t theirs.

Day 4: Make a two-way door decision quickly

If it’s reversible, stop treating it like a tattoo.

Day 5: Use the “data not permission” question

Ask one person: “What might I be missing?” (Not: “What should I do?”)

Day 6: Create a “Receipts” note

Add 10 items. Minimum.

Day 7: Do one post-decision debrief

Pick any past decision. Extract the lesson. That’s self-trust in action.

You Don’t Need a Committee. You Need a Compass.

Here’s what I want you to remember:

You can be thoughtful without being dependent.
You can be collaborative without being outsourced.
You can ask for expertise without asking for permission.

Self-trust isn’t you magically never doubting yourself again.

It’s you saying:

“I can handle the outcome of my choices because I can handle myself.”

And honestly? That’s the most successful woman energy there is.

FAQs

1) Why do I keep asking people for their opinion?

Because opinions temporarily reduce uncertainty and anxiety—especially when the social stakes feel high. However, over time, it can erode your self-trust and keep you stuck in a cycle of reassurance. (ScienceDirect)

2) How do I trust my own judgment again?

Use a repeatable decision system: define the decision, set criteria, consult a small trusted “board,” decide, commit, and debrief. Consistency builds confidence.

3) Is it bad to ask for advice?

Not asking for expertise is smart. The shift is asking for information instead of permission, and being selective about who you consult.

4) How can I make decisions faster without regretting them?

Separate reversible decisions from irreversible ones, set a deadline, and limit inputs. Too many opinions can increase complexity and uncertainty, which slows decisions. (JSTOR)

5) How do I stop seeking validation at work?

Anchor decisions in clear criteria, document your rationale, and ask leaders for “what risks am I missing?” rather than “what should I do?” This keeps your authority intact while still being collaborative.

6) What if my intuition is wrong?

Intuition is most reliable when you’ve had real practice in a predictable environment with learnable patterns and feedback.
When it’s a new or chaotic domain, slow down and get data.

7) Why do successful women still struggle with confidence?

Women leaders often navigate a double bind, facing pressure to be both warm and competent in ways that aren’t demanded equally of men, which can lead to increased second-guessing. (Harvard Business Review)

8) How do I set boundaries with friends/family who always have opinions?

Use scripts like: “I’m not looking for advice, just support,” or “I’ve decided, but I’ll keep you posted.” Clear + calm beats overexplaining.

Jhatanna